this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize