i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
