my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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