i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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