If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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