No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize