is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
