While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
