Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
