so that wasnt chicken after all
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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