I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
