she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
