I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize