And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
