I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
