I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
where are my eyebrows?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize