i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
