I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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