Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
