i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
