i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
