I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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