You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
