Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
