And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
