grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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