Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
