I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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