thus making me awesome and them whores
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
