Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
