Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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