I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
