He kissed a someone with a penis
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
