Small penises have feelings too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
