Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently you make a good broom.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
