McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
