he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
