I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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