your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
