ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
