Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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