GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
