i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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