dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
