Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize