We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
