i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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