hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
