Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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