I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
