Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize