You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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