running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
