he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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