I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
