My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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