I feel great
I just peed on a car
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
