You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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