I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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