good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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