Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
