The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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