i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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