They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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